Thursday, December 1, 2011

Real Peace for a Real Christmas

   

  Christmas is a special time of year for most people.  We get to take a break from our normal routines and spend time with friends and family justifying eating far too much and reflecting on the year.  We stress out over what gifts to get everyone and try to please all the people we can, many times for the wrong reasons.  We are also reminded to remember the "reason for the season": the birth of Jesus, which is the true meaning of Christmas.  This year I have decided to spend some time looking at the story of Christmas from the perspective of Jesus' parents, Mary and Joseph. The more I thought about the story from their point of view, I began to realize just how amazing their stories were and found solace from their Christmas journey.  Their faith in God's plan is an extremely inspiring story and that makes this Christmas much more special to me.

     Last year was a tough Christmas for Emily and me.  We have been trying to start a family for a couple of years now but last year's holidays put us over the one mark.  It marked a year full of hope that had fizzled into frustration and disappointment.  Many of you cannot relate with the pain of infertility but those who can know that it is a deep ache that never seems to go away.  The feeling is similar to losing a loved one, only as time goes on the hurt seems to deepen rather than to heal. One of the toughest things for me has been having no guarantees that we will ever have a child.  Having patience is hard enough when you know you are going to receive something but being patient for something that is uncertain can drive you crazy.  I didn't allow myself to enjoy Christmas as much last year because the gift I really wanted was something I didn't have. My hope seemed to die a bit more with each birthing announcement we received, every new Facebook sonogram profile picture, and with news stories on TV about children being mistreated.  It seemed the more I thought about it, the more people wanted to ask us questions like: "When are you guys gonna have some little ones?!" or "Do y'all not want kids?"  Meanwhile it seemed like anyone else who wanted to have kids just said the word and a stork was dropping one off at their door 9 months later.  For the first time in my life, I wasn't having things go the way I thought they should and it was killing me. 

     As we spent our holidays doing our usual, I couldn't help but notice that it seemed the baby population had at least tripled since the previous Christmas.  You know how you don't really notice a car until you get one, then you feel like everyone else has the exact same one?  Well, wanting children apparently makes you ultra aware of any human being under the age of 3.  That Christmas was full of selfish feelings and was followed by many more self loathing days thereafter.  All the while I prayed asking God, "Why?" with most of my prayers having the word "but" in them.  It is one thing to say you trust God it is another to truly place ALL of your trust in Him regardless of his response.

     When the angel of the Lord appeared to Mary and told her that although she was a virgin she was going to have a son, that son being Jesus Christ, I tend to think the initial thoughts that went through her head were just like any of ours would be.  She thought of what others would say, how this would affect her personally, and how her clothes would fit differently from the weight gain (she was a female after all).  What she didn't do however was simply say that she trusted God fully, she actually did trust God fully.  Imagine if you heard that a girl was a virgin and was going to have a child.  I don't know too many fathers that would be really happy with that news of their daughter.  I can only imagine what her family, friends, and peers thought and said about her.  But her belief that God had a plan for her life superseded everything else around her.  She knew that whatever God was up to was the best plan for everyone, even if she didn't immediately see it. 

     Speaking of not seeing it, Joseph was blindsided!  Now the angel of the Lord tells him that Mary is pregnant and he is to be the baby's earthly father.  He had a huge decision to make!  I'm not sure how he thought he would explain this to Mary's dad but I know the thought of having that conversation would be enough to make any man run.  Joseph had to trust that the things that were happening to him had a purpose and God had him exactly where he wanted him.  Despite what his buddies thought, what his family said, what the community thought of him, Joseph decided to man up and place all of his trust in God.  

     Our journey through the past couple of years has shown us many things.  Besides patience, and patience ....and patience we have learned what it means to fully trust God.  I have believed all along that if God wanted to put 8 babies on my couch right now, He could.  That wasn't my problem.  My problem was that I wanted Him to give me what I thought I deserved regardless of what He was trying to do in my life.  What I have learned more than anything is that I need to get rid of my agenda and trust that God's plan for my life, kids or no kids, is the best plan for me.  The only thing I can control is what I do.  He has placed me in this situation for a reason and although I don't know what the future holds, I know that I have a choice to make an impact for Him or selfishly live a mediocre life.  

     I really wanted to write this blog with an ending that included us being pregnant but that's not my story yet.  I actually bargained with God and told Him that if He would give us a child I would use that perfect ending to our story to help others in similar situations.  Just because that's not my story, doesn't mean my story can't help someone.  1 Peter 5:8 tells us that Satan prowls around like a lion seeking anyone that he can devour.  He was using our situation to make me angry, full of doubt, and afraid to talk to anyone. My story now is a story of peace.  Regardless of what you are going through in your life whether it be marriage problems, job insecurity, financial troubles, illness or infertility, it isn't until you give God complete control that you will have peace.  Where would we be today if Mary or Joseph decided that the plan they had laid out for themselves was better than God's?  I am ready to enjoy Christmas surrounded by the people and the things that God has blessed me with abundantly.  May this Christmas be your best ever and may the peace that comes only from a relationship with Jesus Christ comfort you this season.


8 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing your story, Jared. What a blessing it was to my heart. You are in my continued prayers. Love, Aunt Denise

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for being so transparent to allow others to benefit from what you have been through. God WILL use you and Emily to touch the lives of others. And I know his plan will be wonderful...He said so!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great stuff Jared! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you & your family!

    ReplyDelete
  4. The personal story expressing the heartache you and Emily both have is most touching. As family we hurt with you, but most importantly we pray with you too. Merry Christmas, Aunt Sharee

    ReplyDelete
  5. Know that you are not alone. Vickie and I have struggled for years, going to doctor after doctor and no explanation as to why. We were in a study for invetro only to have that fall short at the last minute. Of course I have matured as a husband, student, and son much slower than most. And we as a family are finally able to be grown ups. I say all that to let you and Emily know, do not give up. PERSEVERE.

    There have been many times we wanted to give up. Two examples I have come from my job and from Grandma. First, I wanted to quit coaching. Things were tough. I did not like my boss. I wanted my own program. I was frustrated. Applying for head coaching jobs, being a finalist over and over but always finishing second. I said a little prayer asking god where do you want me? Is this my time to do something else? I will go and do what you lead me to do. Finally, I was offered the Head Coaching at SPSU and that day came completely unexpectedly. Now here I am leading young men.

    Gradma's story is from when I was younger. I dove in the pool one day when it was super hot. Only problem is I had my contacts in. Needles to say contacts lost. Grandma, in only the way Katherine could, made me go out to the pool (as blind as I am) and look for those clear contacts in that whole pool of water. I was like this is impodsible. Her exact words to me, "God helps those that help themselves." I still never found the contacts but it was not for lack of trying. 5 hours to be exact.

    I know how hard it is. How it tears at you both. Give it to God and find a way to help yourselves. Everyone wants things the easy way. The things you work for are always more special. Know that you are loved and your family will come soon.

    Cousin Tommy

    ReplyDelete
  6. Jared, we hurt for you and Emily, and we pray that the Lord will answer your prayers and bless you with a beautiful child, maybe twins! That could be a real possibility, as your Mother is a twin, and we have another set of Identical twins in our family. We will continue to pray for you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. God surely blessed our family when He brought you in it; He had a plan then; He has a plan now. You are such an encouragement to others through your courage, wisdom, strength and hope. We continue in prayer for you and my Yittle Gurl.

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    And lean not on your own understanding;
    In all your ways acknowledge him,
    And he will make your paths straight.”
    ~ (Proverbs 3:5-6)

    ReplyDelete